Baba, Maman I Love You

There have been circumstances that a newly observant and over-enthusiastic Ba’ale Tshuvah (Returnee to traditional Judaism), has refrained from eating at his parents, or has not attended a family function, etc. In the process he has come to dishonor and disrespect his parents. Although the feeling of hurt is real on the part of the parents, especially Persian parents, it is absolutely against the teachings of our Torah and our sages to disrespect parents.

Nothing can be further than the truth that the observance of Torah should necessitate disrespecting parents. These unfortunate situations usually arise because our over-enthusiastic Ba’ale Tshuvah has not discussed the matter with a wise and competent rabbi to come up with a practical solution to address the sensitivities of the situation at hand.

A deeper look at the teaching of Torah and our sages will help understand the greatness that is bestowed upon our parents:

…

“The commandment to honor one's parents –

It is written:

"Honor your father and mother." [Exodus 20,12] And it is written:

"Honor God from your youth." [Proverbs 3,9].

The Torah equates the duty to honor one's parents to the duty of honoring God.

It is written:

"Man should hold his father and mother in awe." [Leviticus 19,3], And it is written:

"You should be in awe of the Lord your God and serve Him." [Deuteronomy 6,13]

The Torah equates the awe of one's parents to the awe one must have towards God.

It is written:

"One who curses one's mother or father must die." [Exodus 21,17] And it is written:

"Whoever curses God must bear his guilt." [Leviticus 24,15].

The Torah equates cursing one's parents with cursing God. ... this is fitting because they are all partners in his creation. [Talmud, Kiddushin, 30b]

Most of us are fortunate enough to have nice parents whom we love dearly and who inspire powerful feelings of gratitude in our hearts. No human beings ever do as much for us as our parents. But very few of us have parents that inspire us with a sufficient degree of awe that could justify comparing the feelings of awe we experience towards them to the sort of awe that we feel towards God. There is nothing awesome about our parents! How can we relate to being commanded to hold them in awe?

According to the Maharal of Prague, considering this question tells us about a much deeper role that our parents play in our lives. The Torah's commandment to honor our parents should not be interpreted as God's way to reinforce the natural feelings most people entertain towards their parents in any case. The Torah commandment is issued from a standpoint that invites us to understand that our attachment to God can only be reached through the mediation of our parents. The “awe” in the commandment to honor one's parents is actually the awe of God. The person who sees the spiritual world properly can always get a glimpse of God by observing his parents. ”…

You can read the whole of this fantastic article here. The author, Rabbi Noson Weisz is a scholar of the highest caliber. While studying at the famed yeshivas of Chaim Berlin, Lakewood and the Mir in Jerusalem, he also received a degree in Microbiology from the University of Toronto, MA in Political Science at the New School for Social Research and his LLB (law degree) from the University of Toronto. He is currently a senior lecturer at Yeshiva Aish HaTorah in Jerusalem.

I don’t know Rabbi Weisz, but I am a great fan of his writings and consider him my teacher, and such is the power of wisdom.